Monaco

Getting to Monaco from Nice is criminally easy. You hop on the #100 bus, pay the driver a euro, and hop of 45 minutes later. So, we went to visit our third day in Nice. Oh, and Robin came with us, too.

We got in at the foot of the ‘hill’ (it’s a ‘hill’ at the base of the Alps. So…not a hill) that the prince’s palace is on top off, hiked up to the palace and got a GORGEOUS view of the country. We didn’t go in (it’s a palace, and we’ve seen just a few of those since we got here), but it was worth the climb just for the view. The entire country is 0.75 sq miles, and you can walk from one end to the other in about 20 minutes (and later we did).

After that, we wandered to the Oceanographic Institute, which was just a wee bit crazy. Mix equal parts royal history, aquarium, and modern art, and you’re pretty close. The ground floor had several samples of sea life that a former prince (who did oceanography as a hobby) collected, pickled, and brought back, as well as some cool/weird modern art. The next floor had a ton of the equipment the prince used while at sea, as well as a reconstruction of his lab. It also had some of the weirdest modern art I’ve ever seen. Think “Bronze statues of skeletons having sex while the entire pedestal is on fire.”

The roof was supposed to be a great view of Monaco, but the floor and walls were solid white, and the sun was reflecting off of them so much we couldn’t see anything, so we left pretty quickly (but not before seeing some tortoises get into a very, very sloooow fight over their food bowl). The bottom floor was an aquarium, which was so-so. After Atlanta and New Orleans, anything else is underwhelming.

After that, we grabbed a couple of sandwiches and ate on the plateau where the prince stashes his cannons. Then, we started the walk to the casino, which was not difficult, but a little confusing. The Monaco Grand Prix had just been the week or two before, and the stands and barriers were still up, so we had to back-track a couple of times. Once we got on the right path, though, it wasn’t bad, especially since we got to ogle the yachts, some of which just made me shake my head. Why do you need a helipad on your yacht? Are you just too lazy to walk from your mansion to the dock?

Anyway, after passing the yachts, we actually made it to Monte Carlo. To get to the casino from sea level, you have to take an elevator up a ways. We weren’t sure we had the right spot, until we noticed that the tunnel leading to the elevators was lined with marble. Once we made it up the hill and around the opera house, we found the entrance, where the cars out front didn’t disappoint. There was Bentley, two Lamborghinis, and a Ferrari in the spots immediately in front. We drooled a bit. Not too close to the cars, though. The security didn’t look even slightly friendly.

Anyway, cameras aren’t allowed in the casino, so no photos unfortunately. Shame, too. The place is GORGEOUS. The ceilings are covered in crown moldings and paintings, gaming tables and bars are all carved hardwood, and there are huge hunks of semi-precious stones set into the ceiling at regular intervals (we saw hunks turquoise, agate, aquamarine, and some others we didn’t recognize that were as big as our heads).

Anyway, Sean and I went into the private salons (no shorts allowed, so Robin had to stay behind), which were slightly more ornate than the main rooms, but the people were a great deal more…serious…about their gaming. We watched some people play roulette for a while, and were just ever so slightly amazed at the money some people were dropping. One guy was playing with 10 euro chips, and would bet 20-30 of them per game. He had a stack of 500 euro bills with him, and he’d change one out for new chips every 3 or 4 spins.

We decided to try our hands at roulette (the only game there that had a minimum bet we could actually afford), so we each got a few chips. I didn’t really consider it ‘gambling.’ I just assumed I’d get none of the money I put down back. Which wasn’t too far off. We played a few rounds just playing red or black, seeing as the odds on playing any particular number were so low we were basically guaranteed to bottom out before we one. One bet was (literally) stolen from me. A guy walked over, picked up one of my chips on black and flipped it to red. When red one, I reached for it, and he shouted me down. I just let him take it. Not a soul in there was speaking English, and I wasn’t about to start an argument in French.

After that, we cashed out (I lost about 20 euro in half an hour), but kept a few chips for souvenirs. Then, we wandered out to the terrace, where we saw a guy playing Baccarat on his own, surrounded by about 4 casino employees. We didn’t see how much he was betting per hand, but we did see three 10,000 euro chips, two 50,000 euro chips, and a 100,000 euro chip in front of him.

Anyway, afterwards, we got our cameras from the coat check, and decided to go see the Prince’s rare car collection. It wasn’t on our map, though, so Sean ran in to ask someone in the casino. He said he walked up to one of the doormen and asked if he spoke English, and the reaction was as follows:

“He looked at me over his Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses with a ‘How dare you talk to me, you grimy commoner?’ look, and responded, ‘Nyuh. Yes.’ I asked if he knew where the car collection was, and he said, “I don’t know. Go that way, maybe,’ and waved his hand in a random direction”

After that, we decided that if we ever came into money, we’d show up at the casino in hoodies and shorts and break the bank, just to spite the bastard.

Turns out, he was waving us in the general direction of the tourism office, so we went there and got directions, after which Sean and Robin were slightly distracted by an odd voltmeter on the wall. We started wandering back to the palace (the map made it look like it was attached), and passed a few realty offices (who pays 1.5 million euro for a 300 sq. ft. studio?). Turns out, the collection is next to the palace on a map, but is, in reality, at the foot of the cliff the palace is on. So, we climbed to the top, realized our mistake, sighed, and climbed back down. The cars were worth it, though. The prince had everything from a Mercedes-Benz concept car, to one of the first automobiles ever made, to a racing boat, to a polar excursion vehicle. We drooled over those for a long while, then grabbed the bus back to Nice.